Okay. So what the hell happened? We can start at the part where I deactivated my first Facebook under the ludicrous pretense that I would meet face-to-face with most of the friends who mattered to me. Nah. We can start at the part where I finally decided I needed to leave Blacksburg, Virginia in order … More

This is my worst fear, come to think of it. There are multiples, you know Those I’m about to face As I submit myself to the cold scrutinization Of a pulsing, merciless scanner And then there are multiples That we choose I can live in the dark. But I can’t write in the dark. And … More

Phil vs. the GRE: Five Nights at Freddy’s

“For a lot of people, taking a standardized test such as the GRE usually engenders a number of emotions.” Exasperation. Self-disgust. Frustration. Taking the GRE means I’ve failed. I’ve failed to escape the stereotypes of my major choice and I’ve failed to fully pursue my career ambitions. I was supposed to coast by on charisma … More Phil vs. the GRE: Five Nights at Freddy’s

Rudy & Beatrice

“You know if that door’s locked?” Rudy yelled. I hadn’t really checked. I was going for the same door he was coming from. So we both went to the main door and confirmed. This location was doing drive-thru only at 3 am. I made some mental calculations. I still needed…processed, fried chicken and greasy french … More Rudy & Beatrice

December, Week One: Phil vs. Phone Guy / A Chance to Escape

SUNDAY But until late January – have a great one. Remember, I believe in you. And I'll miss you. Check here for blog posts. Adieu. — Phil the Pill (@PhilthePill) November 29, 2015 MONDAY, KINDA Here’s how I expected the conversation to go: PHIL: Hey, my name’s Phil. I’m one of your customers. I’m here to reclaim … More December, Week One: Phil vs. Phone Guy / A Chance to Escape

There Is No Hawaii

  All things considered, it was a fairly good morning at work. I mean, things were not ideal. I was still awake at 3 in the morning for purposes abhorrent to my personal morality, but hey. I had the remaining mental faculties to start developing yet another plan. Unlike the existing and ongoing plans, this … More There Is No Hawaii